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If you were'nt real
I would make you up
Did anyone else watch the episode that just finished? I felt so bad for that guy who didn't even get past the first question especially when he had all his supporters there!

Seriously though.."watching" over me?! Silly man!
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So I have been twenty for almost a week now. My birthday was pretty great, had a really nice dinner and went to a hotel with Dave which was a really lovely surprise.

Now that I'm twenty I have decided I really need to change a few things and get myself into order. I still pretty much live and act like I am 17 or 18. I even look younger and people often mistake me for being 16! So I have decided I need to work on the following things:

  • Try to cut down on the swearing if not eliminate it entirely
  • Keep my room tidier (I am already struggling with this one)
  • Start to manage my time a lot better
  • Start taking better care of myself health-wise
  • Start to drive a little more agressively
  • Trust my own instincts more
  • Be more positive and worry less
  • Mangage my money better

    Argh so much stuff to think about but I definetely want to try, I mean I can't live like a child forever. There's people my age who have children and have to support themselves and I seriously can't even imagine moving out of home yet, I'm so frustrated!

    Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
    Current Music: Watching so you think you can dance

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    Stole this from the lovely 16__knives

    When I'm nervous: I can barely breath or speak

    If I were to get married right now my maid of honor/bestman would be?: Wah I'm never going to get married :( It would be Juliet though.

    by this time next year: Probably doing the exact same thing I'm doing now

    I have a hard time understanding: maths and science

    If I won an award, the first person I told would be: My mum

    Take my own advice: I got nothing!

    Most recent thing I've bought myself: A spare key for my car.

    Most recent thing someone else bought me : A drink

    My favorite hair style is: loose waves

    My middle name is: I don't have one

    In the morning I: can't wake up most days

    Last night I was: crying and feeling sorry for myself pretty much like tonight

    If I was an animal I'd be: a bear

    A better name for me would be: no idea my name probably suits me

    Tomorrow I : go to work

    Tonight I am: watching tv

    The next day I am: going to work and then coffee

    My favorite color is: green and pink and purple

    My heart is: broken :(


    1. Fell in love - 14

    2. Got a myspace account - um 18 I think

    3. Got drunk - 14

    5. Got french kissed - 14

    6. Had surgery- never had surgery

    7. Got your heart broken - 19

    8. Lost a pet - um 11

    9. Got arrested - haven't

    10. Smoked a Cigarette - 16

    11. Broken a bone - 11

    12. Went to a concert - lol still havn't gone, it will be 20 though as I'm going to see Snow Patrol next month

    13. Got your own mobile phone - 15

    14. Got a speeding ticket- never I hardly even go the speed limit let alone over it

    16. Snuck out of the house - 17

    17. Pierced other than your ears - only have my ears peirced

    18. Got a tattoo - never that stuffs not for me at all

    20. Went to a club - 17 a dodgy goth club

    21. Transfered to a new school - once when I was 11 and again when I was 16

    22. Totalled a car - I havn't, I've pranged about 5 times though

    23. Moved out of your parents house - not yet

    24. Drove more than 100 miles alone - never have

    25. How old are you now - 20 in like 3 weeks
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    Dave broke up with me. Something happened on the weekend where another guy tried to kiss me, I didn't let him, but apperently that's not the point. Dave's really hurt and I've really stuffed things up. It's been nearly a week and he won't even speak to me, he told me to stop calling him and messaging him. I love him so much and I'm so scared of being without him. Two and a half years he has been my everything and I have no idea how I am meant to recover from this.

    Current Location: home
    Current Mood: depressed depressed
    Current Music: the tv, ads actually

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    I know I never update, but I do log in everyday and check my friends journals and communities. I'm not sure why I never end up posting myself, it's weird.

    The school term is nearly over and the last couple of weeks have been packed with school work. I have had something like 8 assignments to finish and it's been driving me crazy. I have also realised I really need to get my priorities in order and become more organised, something I have been promising that I will do for like the last three years ha ha.

    Work is driving me nuts, we have hardly any staff and I feel so much pressure all the time. Mum and I are going away for ten days in about 4 weeks and I can't wait seriously I'm desperate for a break.

    I'm meant to be calling places to do work placement for school and I have rang two places already and both were like yeah we will call you back and they never did! RUDE! It's driving me nuts, just something else I have to stress about.
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    My weekend was crazy. My friend Sophie was visiting from NZ and I was so excited to be able to see her but was really upset to learn that all these other people were coming out, people I can't stand. I'm really picky when it comes to people and even though I was friends with half the people there the others just give me the shits in general. I definetely need to learn more tolerance. I ended up having a massive night though, I stayed out way too late to have to get up and go to work the next day.

    I''m really loving school at the moment, I get to do work placement next term and I can't wait. I really feel like I have made the right decision in choosing the coarse that I did.
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    I miss my friend Sophie so so much. I got a postcard from her yesterday and I cried reading it. She moved to NZ to go uni there, it sucks because in the few months before she left we became really close, we even spent new years together. I probably wont see her until the end of the year in the christmas holidays.

    Work is really crap at the moment, the last two days have been hell. The girl I work with who I get along really well with has resigned and her replacement is kind of boring and yeah she's nice and all but annoying. It's been so busy lately and all my customers have just been shit shit shit. I also feel like I havn't had a good night's sleep in so long. I woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all. I can't wait to just relax tonight. Only two more days of holidays too, oh well.
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    So school has been amazingly busy lately, I've had so many assessments to get on top of and it's hard when I have been working all weekend because it means I have do all my work during the week and by the time I get home from class each day the last thing I want to think about doing school work! However I seem to be on top of everything for the moment and am actually sort of enjoying doing my assignments. I have to admit I have been a bit slack when it comes to attending classes, well I do attend all my classes but I have gotten into the habit of leaving early with all my friends. Something I definetely need to stop doing!

    Work is pretty good, it's a lot harder job than I thought though. The computer system I have to work with is really complex and not at all user-friendly, also where I work gets really really busy so it's hard to not get flustered and stressed out when I have a million customers plus all the sales guys hassling me. I'm picking it up slowly though and everyone has been pretty nice and patient with me. I'm working all day saturday, sunday and monday of the easter weekend, that kind of annoyed me and I'm not looking forward to the next three days at all but I am looking forward to pay day next week :)

    I had a massive night last night. The good news is I went my friend from school and we met up with the rest of our friends from class and this time they were much better. I had a great time really, one of my oldest closest friends was there as well. The city was packed though and the lines for most clubs were absolutely massive so we spent a lot of time trying to just get into somewhere. We ended up in one of my favourite clubs and it was great, I drank a fair bit but not enough to ruin the night and we danced for hours. The towards the end of the night Dave and his friends came out just as mine were all going home so then I could to go with them for a couple of hours. Didn't get home until about 5:30am and boy did we sleep today. I woke up at around 10 and said goodbye to my brother who was here and is going away for easter and then went back to bed. Dave and I didn't actually get up again until 1:30 this afternoon. I love when I have a good night out and I have made up my mind that I'm only going to go out occasionally, I just can't afford it all the time and I find I get the shits with it if I go to regularly.
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    So I wussed out and didn't go to school today. I woke up this morning and spent about an hour in bed trying to decide whether I should get up or just go back to sleep and in the end I just went back to sleep lol. I wasn't ready to face everyone yet. But I did have my first shift at my new job and it went really well, I definetely have a lot to learn, but I'll pick it up I'm sure. Also I've been told the money will be good too.
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    Today was one of the most boring days of my life. I had orientation for my new job and it was 8 hours of such tedious and pointless information, I mean honestly we spent like 2 hours discussing the different types of credit cards. I have another whole day of it to look forward to tomorrow too. Hooray. I just want to start my new job and settle in. I've been feeling all sad lately about quitting my current job, I mean I was only there 3 months and everyone I work with were cool just they were shit workers.

    I decided I want a full make over, I really need to lose the 5-10kg I pretty much put on during the holidays. Me and my friend are going to get our hair done in a few weeks and I want to buy lots of new clothes. I know I sound superficial but I have had low self esteem pretty much my whole life and I hate looking at gorgeous girls and feeling insanely jealous.
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